NEW YORK — Gun control advocates across the country have reportedly dropped their anti-gun agendas in favor of hating Piers Morgan. Many are reporting that agreeing with such an obnoxious blowhard is more morally draining than knowing people could get semi-automatic weapons without background checks.
“I mean yeah, I think guns are terrible,” said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, a ferocious anti-gun advocate, “but not nearly as terrible as the smarmy smugness of Piers Morgan. Who does he think he is?”
Gun control advocates began rethinking their position when they realized it put them in a natural alliance with the British journalist. The head of the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence stepped down after watching Piers Morgan interview Larry Pratt. He realized that while he thought pro-gun advocate Larry Pratt was completely insane, he enjoyed seeing Morgan get yelled at more than he cared about the actual issue.
For his part, Morgan claims that he does not understand what makes him such an unappealing figure. The news anchor views himself as a regular guy who feuds with Madonna on Twitter, hacks celebrities’ phones, and serves as the moral compass of the United States. He has dismissed claims that some of the anger directed at him stems from the fact that a Brit constantly chastising the American public on American television might be a little grating. Morgan is currently pleading to anti-gun advocates to stop abandoning him and return to the glorious graces of his continuance.