British Health Inspectors Find KFC Deep-Fried Kitchen Towel Healthier Than Other KFC Options

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

NEWCASTLE, England — A KFC in England surprised patrons when they introduced a new menu item last week: deep-fried kitchen towels.

When Krystal Henderson, 29, and stepson Oliver, 7, swung by KFC on the way home from school, they ordered a bucket of boneless fried chicken but instead got a mouthful of terrycloth. 

When Oliver took a bite and remarked about the “obvious improvement to the original recipe’s taste,” Henderson peeled back layers of golden batter to reveal an azure hand towel peeking through.

“Realizing it was blue roll was worse than chicken,” said Henderson, a nursery school nurse, referring to the standard blue hand towels used locally. “If it was bad chicken they might have just had a bad batch or something, but the blue roll could have been used for anything – it could have bleach or disinfectant on it.”

Many have criticized KFC for sneaking a test drive menu item onto an unsuspecting value meal buyers, but British health inspectors are applauding KFC for upgrading their health food options.

“I frequently tell my patients that they’re better off chewing on bark or strips of cotton rather than eating the deep-fried garbage they normally serve at fast-food chains such as KFC,” said Dr. Penelope Wentz of the U.K. Department of Health. “Hand towels are brilliantly low in calories, fat and carbohydrates. The average KFC Big Box Meal is around 1400 calories with 100 percent of your total recommended daily fat. I’m glad to see they are finally thinking of their clientele’s health.”

The new Serviette Value Meal joins a long list of nutritionally sound alternative options KFC has cheekily snuck into patrons’ dishes over the years, which include such natural delicacies as fried brains,raw chicken, pubic hair and worms.

“These aren’t the usual extras you would see on a basic menu there,” said Wentz. “If you want special additions to your food, you will have to either act rudely to your server or you know what—just wait. They’ll probably show up sooner or later.”

For now, the Hendersons will be taking their business to a different KFC down the road.


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